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secondlinaThis post is going to be full of WANGST. So if you don't feel like reading wangst, please skip it, and return to us next week for our regularly scheduled programming of comics.
I'm tired. Really, really tired. Partially because I get up to go to work at 6 am while going to bed at 2am to finish my work on time. But mostly because I am the incarnation of stress and I am sick of everything being hard. Some people are born lucky - they always at the right place on the right time. I consider myself pretty lucky - I got my degree, I found work, I've got two working hands and two good enough eyes that allow me to draw, i'm talented and i'm not horrible looking either (though some morning I feel like i'm I am, but that's just the low self esteem talking.) I don't think I should be complaining. So many people are doing so much worse then me. But still...
Once in a while, I would enjoy having things given on a silver platter. It seems a little vain I guess. The rule of fairness is that you should work for your stuff right? But MAN. I'm tired of people bullshit and having to push and pull to get stuff done and get stuff moving. I'm tired of landlord B.S. which seem to have litterally doubled since our Montréal Landlord is yanking Link's chain while my Ottawa landlord is having fun making me dance around stuff. Landlords. I'm looking forward to owning something one day, just so I don't have a landlord anymore.
I'm kinda worried about comics. I tried to send ROSE to a few bookstores, but most bookstores don't seem that open to Indy comics anymore. Even in the indy comics bookstores they seem to prefer people who are at least known on the internet. Which is understandable. They want to sell things, it's good for both them and the artist. But it doesn't make you feel good about your project. I want to make books and I want people to read them. But for that, I need to be known, or something. It seems complicated and hard. Sometimes I think 'I draw okay, but really, what is it worth for other people? What am I worth as an artist?' Sometimes I just want to give up on drawing all together. Sometimes it really feels like a 'useless past time.' And maybe it is. I love it though. I don't think I could stop drawing. But i'm kindoff at a loss on what to do next. Should I keep trying to get publishers? Should I keep trying to do webcomics? Where is this even going?
I also wonder about the quality of the art. I know I just started and I need to keep evolving and I will keep evolving...but what grade of quality is my art currently?
I also don't know what I want to do for work. I need to find a job in Montréal. But I don't even know what I want to do.
I think this might be a mild depression brought on by various people bullshit, tired-ness, that time of the month and the fact that I really hate packing. But you all know I do. It's almost a running gag! *laughs* It's Box Fort week. I'm glad my friend Fauve helped me pack because otherwise, I probably would have died crushed under boxes of books. I have so much crap. I'm almost ashamed to be such a crap collector. I almost feel like dumping all of it and starting back at zero. But I won't. Because I adore my books and I worked really hard to collect such a quality and large collection. But still. I would like to go in another country and try living 'light' for a while. Just to try it out.
Enough whining. I'm not gonna get naywhere by whining. But I think it was needed.
Also, you guys. 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs' is hilarious. Especially the scientist guy. I want a scientist guy like that. To hide in a box and keep. The message was a little weird though. There was this whole 'Be proud to be different' thing going on but also 'Nerds are sexy and jocks are idiots.' I think the director was a vengeful nerd XD
-Isa
I'm tired. Really, really tired. Partially because I get up to go to work at 6 am while going to bed at 2am to finish my work on time. But mostly because I am the incarnation of stress and I am sick of everything being hard. Some people are born lucky - they always at the right place on the right time. I consider myself pretty lucky - I got my degree, I found work, I've got two working hands and two good enough eyes that allow me to draw, i'm talented and i'm not horrible looking either (though some morning I feel like i'm I am, but that's just the low self esteem talking.) I don't think I should be complaining. So many people are doing so much worse then me. But still...
Once in a while, I would enjoy having things given on a silver platter. It seems a little vain I guess. The rule of fairness is that you should work for your stuff right? But MAN. I'm tired of people bullshit and having to push and pull to get stuff done and get stuff moving. I'm tired of landlord B.S. which seem to have litterally doubled since our Montréal Landlord is yanking Link's chain while my Ottawa landlord is having fun making me dance around stuff. Landlords. I'm looking forward to owning something one day, just so I don't have a landlord anymore.
I'm kinda worried about comics. I tried to send ROSE to a few bookstores, but most bookstores don't seem that open to Indy comics anymore. Even in the indy comics bookstores they seem to prefer people who are at least known on the internet. Which is understandable. They want to sell things, it's good for both them and the artist. But it doesn't make you feel good about your project. I want to make books and I want people to read them. But for that, I need to be known, or something. It seems complicated and hard. Sometimes I think 'I draw okay, but really, what is it worth for other people? What am I worth as an artist?' Sometimes I just want to give up on drawing all together. Sometimes it really feels like a 'useless past time.' And maybe it is. I love it though. I don't think I could stop drawing. But i'm kindoff at a loss on what to do next. Should I keep trying to get publishers? Should I keep trying to do webcomics? Where is this even going?
I also wonder about the quality of the art. I know I just started and I need to keep evolving and I will keep evolving...but what grade of quality is my art currently?
I also don't know what I want to do for work. I need to find a job in Montréal. But I don't even know what I want to do.
I think this might be a mild depression brought on by various people bullshit, tired-ness, that time of the month and the fact that I really hate packing. But you all know I do. It's almost a running gag! *laughs* It's Box Fort week. I'm glad my friend Fauve helped me pack because otherwise, I probably would have died crushed under boxes of books. I have so much crap. I'm almost ashamed to be such a crap collector. I almost feel like dumping all of it and starting back at zero. But I won't. Because I adore my books and I worked really hard to collect such a quality and large collection. But still. I would like to go in another country and try living 'light' for a while. Just to try it out.
Enough whining. I'm not gonna get naywhere by whining. But I think it was needed.
Also, you guys. 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs' is hilarious. Especially the scientist guy. I want a scientist guy like that. To hide in a box and keep. The message was a little weird though. There was this whole 'Be proud to be different' thing going on but also 'Nerds are sexy and jocks are idiots.' I think the director was a vengeful nerd XD
-Isa
