Ahhh!! That's from Alwett and co.!! I've always wanted to read this, I've been following the blackberry-strawberry blog for years. D: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g3is0TTpQk so pretty... I remember finding Aurore through Alwett's joint Sweety Sorcellery project. Such kick ass ladies. D:
As for your anger, to be honest I think you're probably feeling very burnt out from your last job and perhaps quite bitter. When I was in college, I left a very hostile work environment and ended up pretty angry at myself after. Once I was out of the joint and had a couple weeks to breathe, I was kicking myself for not fighting back and properly standing up for myself (which is ridiculous since it was, y'know, a job I needed and couldn't risk loosing at the time). I felt cowardly, and was still constantly on the defense even though I was now long gone-- the results of a year spent taking abuse was, quite literally, haunting me and like a bad break up I felt it challenging to move on. Which is utterly human and normal, to be frank. When situated with such we learn to adapt, that's our nature, right? But learning how to let go... that's something completely foreign to us. So, it took me awhile but I did begin to do so but not without the help of my bf to keep me in check whenever I "relapsed".
If you do not wish to wait, or feel it's not something you can do alone, definitely try therapy. There's nothing to loose in trying and it might help you get through it quicker and more efficiently. After all, I do not know how consistently extreme your experience was or what, in every detail, it felt like for you (though I can imagine it was positively deplorable and you were able to force yourself through such by numbing up as best as you could, like many would, each day) annnnd I'm not a professional. :( So, definitely take care and continue being honest and observant with yourself. The fact that you can recognize this as a problem is very good and will help you get, well, that help you may need.
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Date: 2011-07-15 02:31 pm (UTC)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g3is0TTpQk so pretty...
I remember finding Aurore through Alwett's joint Sweety Sorcellery project. Such kick ass ladies. D:
As for your anger, to be honest I think you're probably feeling very burnt out from your last job and perhaps quite bitter. When I was in college, I left a very hostile work environment and ended up pretty angry at myself after. Once I was out of the joint and had a couple weeks to breathe, I was kicking myself for not fighting back and properly standing up for myself (which is ridiculous since it was, y'know, a job I needed and couldn't risk loosing at the time). I felt cowardly, and was still constantly on the defense even though I was now long gone-- the results of a year spent taking abuse was, quite literally, haunting me and like a bad break up I felt it challenging to move on. Which is utterly human and normal, to be frank. When situated with such we learn to adapt, that's our nature, right? But learning how to let go... that's something completely foreign to us. So, it took me awhile but I did begin to do so but not without the help of my bf to keep me in check whenever I "relapsed".
If you do not wish to wait, or feel it's not something you can do alone, definitely try therapy. There's nothing to loose in trying and it might help you get through it quicker and more efficiently. After all, I do not know how consistently extreme your experience was or what, in every detail, it felt like for you (though I can imagine it was positively deplorable and you were able to force yourself through such by numbing up as best as you could, like many would, each day) annnnd I'm not a professional. :( So, definitely take care and continue being honest and observant with yourself. The fact that you can recognize this as a problem is very good and will help you get, well, that help you may need.
Good luck hun!! :(